First Post

This is my first ever blog post, well since I was in high school. I figured it would be a great way to write down memories of my life. The good and the bad. I have gone through a lot of things in my short 22 years on this earth. But lessons are always learned either way you look at it. And things eventually get better with time.

I'm not going to waste my time talking about all the things that I would have changed in my life. But nonetheless I got pregnant when i was 19 years old. Which made everything in my life change. I wasn't thinking about how my new found adulthood would be lost. I was so happy I was going to be a mom. Mostly i was caught up in the life i had, and the person I was with. I didn't think things could get any better. Clearly i was wrong. But anyways on September 23rd, 2009 my son Brayden Austgen was born in Spring Hill, Florida. He was the most perfect thing i have ever seen. So beautiful.

It was defiantly the most painful things in my life, but i would do it all over again. It seemed i had the family i have always dreamed about. But after the birth of my son things with my sons father started taking a horrible turn. He was hardly ever around, and i later found out that he was getting into drugs. It progressed from pot, to even worse things. Me caring for him so much i always made excuses for him, stuck up for him, and tried everything to get him help. But anything i did failed. I was exhausted from the long nights of wondering if he was alive or dead. After Brayden turned 1 his father was incarcerated for the first time since i knew him. It was hard, but i thought it would help him get the help that he needed. I stuck around, but those dreams soon crashed as he was arrested again a month later and spent 3 more month in jail. Of course i was there again. Waiting for him to get out. Thinking that THIS was the time that he changed and got clean for himself and his son. But i was wrong very wrong. The soberness lasted for what seemed like a couple days. But of course wanting my family to stay intact I stuck by his side trying to get him help and trying to get it through his head that I knew he could be a better person. I went on countless wild goose chases to find him in the middle of the night, called him 50 plus times in a row, pacing the house, I was literally beginning to think i was the crazy one. I lost my mind. I cried every single day, I dont remember a day where i didn't cry. It was a hard experience for me. I loved him ( or what i thought was love ) so much, and i couldn't let go. It was getting to be more than I could bear, the long nights were getting so hard to handle and I was tired of being sad, because my son deserved so much more than that, and he never was there more him anyways, so I decided to leave, for good. So i packed my things one last time in August of 2011 and I moved into my own apartment.. I was working at the most perfect job i could have asked for, at a psychiatric facility. And i could finally afford to pay my own bills. I was finally slowly getting my own life. It was a nice change. I was hanging out with my friends a lot, working, and taking care of my son.

I went through some ups and down through the next couple of months. I did end up trying to help Brayden's father again, and thinking about changing everything to try to get him clean but I was let down again. Things always happen for a reason.

I remember the night like it was yesterday. It was the night before thanksgiving 2011. And i was going out to a couple bars ( Mermaids & Jerseys) with my friends. We were in total shock of how many people were up there. It was like a high school reunion. As we walked into Mermaids I looked around and realized I knew so many people there. On the left side in between the 2 doors, I seen Jason, my heart dropped to the floor, as it did every time I've seen him out somewhere. I smiled as did he. And it was so crowded, as we walked past we were in touching distance, I remember having a short conversation with him, but have no idea what was said. I was in awe of him, and all i remember saying is well i'm gonna go get a drink. And as we walked away from him, I said to my friend, OMG do you know who that is? Its Jason Zimmerman, omg omg hes so gorgeous! And I seriously did not shut up about him for the rest of the night. It was seriously the best night. We bumped into each other again, well i did it on purpose and we talked for a while, and he bought me a drink. As he was sitting there he kept giving me this look, OH how i will never forget it. So beautiful i thought to myself. I just wanted to kiss him so bad. But i knew he was drinking and I didn't want to regret the actions after. My friends and myself left the bar and walked to the other one. All i wanted to do was go back and see him again, I couldn't get him out of my mind. I eventually walked back and he was standing in the walk way, and we talked again. And eventually ended up outside talking. I was so close to him. Its something In high school i've always dreamed about. He was the most gorgeous things I've ever seen, I had zoology with him when i was in 11th grade and we worked together a couple times. But as we were standing outside he tried to kiss me and i turned my head. I knew that the person i came with who had my keys would be so upset and i didnt want to make anyone mad. I wish I would have let him kiss me. Later that night I said we should hang out sometime, and we exchanged numbers. And as soon as i got in the car i texted him and said just making sure you have my number and we texted the rest of the night. I was in lala land. I was so happy. It was surreal, and I loved every second of it. The next day we made plans for me to come to his parents house for a bon fire. I couldn't believe he was going to bring me to his families house the first time we hung out, though i thought it was amazing. I was so nervous. I had butterflies all night. And after that we went shopping for black Friday, and we hung out the rest of the night into the morning. We stayed up until 8 am. It was the best night of my life. And we talked and were inseparable the rest of the time he was in spring hill.

Long story short, those 5 days were the best days i could have asked for. We hung out as much as we could, as soon as i got off work, until i went to work the next day. And i was supposed to moving into a house and out of my apartment, Jason came and looked at it with me. And as we were inside he said don't do this. He wanted me to move to Jacksonville with him. It was completely spontaneous and crazy, but I was afraid I was going to loose him. It was a hard decision to make, I went back and forth for a while, and talked to people that I worked about it, and they said you only live one go for it. I finally decided to go for it, I thought Jason was the most amazing man I have ever met, and I didn't want to loose him or be away from him. So I moved to Jacksonville, I left my job, my family, and friends for a chance at love. And now, I have never felt more loved or cherished. I literally feel like i'm living a fairy tale. I have the most amazing man, and amazing son. Whom he loves just as much as i love him. He takes care of us. and i am truly blessed. 

Everything has happened so fast to us, but I wouldn't change it. When you know , you just know. :) and i know what I want, to spend my life with Jason Zimmerman, to have a family with him, and love him the rest of my life. So we are getting married on June 2nd, 2012. And I cannot wait to be his wife. I never thought I would feel like this after everything I've went through, but Its amazing. I couldn't be happier. 

And now my life is just beginning, and I am so happy I have found "THE ONE" at the most unexpected time and place. :)